health
I'm 37 years old and only now discovering who I really am: This is the biggest sign you've been pleasing others your whole life
I'm 37 years old, and last month I realized that I've spent my entire life trying to be a version of myself that would be pleasant and easy for other people. And honestly, I don't think I can even tell the difference anymore between what I truly like and what I've learned to like just to fit in.
TL;DR
- The author realized at 37 that she had spent her life trying to be a version of herself that was pleasant and easy for others, losing touch with her own genuine likes and dislikes.
- This pattern of 'people-pleasing' involves slowly adapting to others' comfort, making personal desires nearly inaudible, and can lead to a 'false self' constructed to meet external expectations.
- The process of rediscovering one's true self is uncomfortable and involves questioning habits, opinions, and preferences, often revealing that many 'personal choices' have origins in a desire to impress or belong.
- Psychological concepts like 'people-pleasing disease' and Donald Winnicott's 'false self' explain this tendency as a deeply ingrained need for comfort and approval, often driven by anxiety and conflict avoidance.
- The author suggests that instead of drastic changes, a more honest approach involves staying with the discomfort of not knowing and starting small by expressing genuine preferences and disagreeing when necessary.
- Releasing the need to be constantly loved and accepted is not about becoming difficult, but about making space for a more authentic self.