We love each other, but we don't have sex anymore. Now what?
Pretending this doesn't matter erodes intimacy faster than any conflict.
TL;DR
- A common and difficult dilemma for couples is when one partner desires intimacy and sex, and the other does not.
- This desire discrepancy can be pre-existing or arise from factors like menopause, illness, trauma, aging, exhaustion, or personal growth.
- Ignoring the lack of sexual desire erodes intimacy faster than conflict.
- When one partner's desire wanes, the other may feel abandoned or shamed, and the remaining partner may feel pressure or inadequacy.
- Desire cannot be forced or earned; it responds to vitality, safety, truth, and freedom.
- Monogamy intensifies this tension when one partner closes off their 'erotic home'.
- Addressing the issue involves honest communication about what has changed and why desire may have shifted, without assigning blame.
- Solutions may include renegotiating intimacy, redefining eroticism, facing relationship boundaries, or acknowledging that love and erotic compatibility don't always evolve at the same pace.
- Integrity and the courage to speak and hear difficult truths are essential for intimacy to endure.