Dominion over Putin
I went to Beijing, what a bore, everyone kissed my feet, they said Your Highness we left you the finest chambers and the best spot at the military parade, cameras will film only you, because you and only you are the main star of this event. I'm like, what a bore, I know very well who the biggest star is wherever I appear, from playing ping pong against children with the sun in their eyes, to signing author's copies of the book 'How I Defeated You All Over the World'.
TL;DR
- The author imagines himself as the main star at an event in Beijing, receiving preferential treatment.
- He humorously depicts an encounter with Putin, portraying himself as the dominant figure.
- The author 'overwhelms' Putin with exaggerated lists of his influence, including arms deals, book bestsellers, and journalists to be 'dealt with'.
- Putin is depicted as intimidated and eventually flees back to Moscow.
- The author satirically claims to have absolute control over global affairs and lists of negative actions.